The Distance
by Courtney2
Summary: A song-fic about Hamilton’s lonely days without his “baby”.


Title: The Distance  
Author: Courtney  
Email: courtneystovall@yahoo.com  
Category: Jake/Hamilton  
Rating: PG  
Summary: A song-fic about Hamilton's lonely days without his "baby".  
Disclaimer: The lyrics belong to Evan and Jaron, Young Americans belongs to whoever owns it now, Hamilton and Jake belong to each other and I *still* get nothing! Man, this just isn't fair . . .   
Distribution: Yeah, wherever . . . just tell me.  
Author's Note: Another song-fic . . . ahhhh!!!! I know, run, right? Eh, well cheesy is my life, ya know. So I bought the Evan and Jaron cd (which I highly recommend, GO BUY IT!) and this song made me think of J & H so here you have it . . . Oh, by the way, the song is called The Distance, in case that wasn't obvious . . .   
  
-----------------------------  
  
The sky has lost its color  
The sun has turned to grey  
At least that's how it feels to me  
Whenever you're away . . .   
  
  
I'm completely miserable. I mean, it's the end of the summer and school's out and I don't really have anything to worry about so I should be happy, right? But I am totally and completely miserable. I'm not-quite-sixteen years old . . . no girl should be effecting me this way at this point in my life. Do you think this means she's *the* girl? I'm beginning to believe that myself . . .   
  
Damn Jake, why did you have to go back to New York anyway? I'm sure there was some lame reason we could have come up with for you to stay through for the few weeks interim before fall semester so that we could have stayed together. I'm going nuts here all alone.   
  
My mother thinks I'm crazy, of course. 'Why do you need to go to New York, Munchie?' she asked me. She knows I hate that nickname, but she still uses it. 'You'll see your friend Jake again in a few weeks, Munchie.' A few weeks that seem like years. 'I'm sure you have friends here in town.' Yeah, because the supposedly gay prep school boys are always so popular with the locals, mother.   
  
I think I'm officially in hell.  
  
  
I crawl up in the corner  
As I watch the minutes pass  
Each one brings me closer to  
The time when you'll be back  
You're coming back . . .  
  
  
She called me today.   
  
The entire conversation lasted about twenty minutes because she had to hurry and I was supposed to be meeting my dad for lunch, but that little fraction of my day was the very best part. She told me what she's been doing for the week she's been gone and I told her about how lonely I am here without her. I think she was crying at one point . . . I know I was. It scares me to think about how much I ache without her.  
  
She's coming back to Rawley. Not as soon as I want and not without a lot of crap to go through, but she told me today that no matter what happens she will be back in the fall. I think she misses me as much as I miss her, if that's even possible. I'm just glad that she'll be back because I think I really would go crazy if she never came back to me.   
  
My father told me today that I seem 'distant' lately. He doesn't feel like he knows me anymore. When did he ever know me? That's what I wanted to ask, but I didn't. No need to start trouble, right? I just tried to persuade him that he's just busy and maybe we haven't talked as much lately but that I am still the same old Hamilton that I've always been. That's not true, though. I haven't been the same since the first day I saw her, since the first time I touched her, since our first kiss. She's changed me and I never want to be the person I used to be ever again. I would never want to go back to a time when I didn't know Jake . . . because my life began the second we met.  
  
  
I can't take the distance  
I can't take the miles  
I can't take the time  
Until the next time I see you smile  
I can't take the distance  
And I'm not ashamed  
That I can't take a breath without saying your name  
I can brave a hurricane  
And still be standing tall when all the dust has settled down  
But I can't take the distance . . .   
  
  
She sent me a letter today. It's the fifth one in two weeks. I write to her every day, it seems, and I check the mailbox every day hoping that I'll see my name on an envelope in her familiar, feminine handwriting.   
  
The letters are all bundled together and hidden in a shoebox under my bed. There are pictures of the two of us there, too. And a few notes she left for me while we were in school. Even a pair of socks that she left in my room one afternoon while we were, uh, studying. I have movie ticket stubs and matchbooks from restaurants we've been to . . . how lame is all of that? Pathetic. I've decided once and for all that love makes you completely pathetic.   
  
She'll be back in four days. I'm not sure if I can stand it for another second.   
  
  
I still believe in feelings  
But sometimes I feel too much  
I make believe you're close to me  
But it ain't close enough  
Not nearly close enough . . .   
  
  
She came home today . . . and I feel like I can breathe again. Finally, after so long without her, I got to hold her and kiss her and just look at her beautiful face again. God, I had missed her so much, and it really hit me how much when I saw her again this afternoon. I never want us to be apart again. I'm not sure I could handle it.   
  
I'm fifteen years old. I have two parents who love me and a warm place to sleep. I have great friends and a pretty great life. And I'm not afraid to tell anyone who will listen that I am hopelessly in love for the first and last time in my life. I don't think that I could ever be happier . . . because she came back to me.  
  
  
And I can brave a hurricane  
And still be standing tall when all the dust has settled down  
But I can't take the distance . . .  
  
* * * * *  
  
The End  
  
October 27, 2000  



End file.
